I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
