somebody snuck up and got me drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
