We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
