ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
