my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Help. Why am I so naked?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
