The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
