Having a random hookup so left but love u
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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