i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
