we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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