I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
