You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
