something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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