My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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