bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
