I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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