Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
