6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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