And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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