how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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