just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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