To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
