i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
