what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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