I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
