We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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