There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
