Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
