her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Floor bacon is actually really good
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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