All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
