explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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