My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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