Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
