Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
