he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
