pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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