i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
