I cannot find my penis.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
