Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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