i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
