there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
