he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
why is half of my head shaved?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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