i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize