If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize