Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
