There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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