If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
