i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
