i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
