So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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