He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
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WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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