D3 body, D1 cock
My cat gives me a boner
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
