life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
