Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
