I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
