I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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