She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
