i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
