hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
