Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
