Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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