Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
