one might say we're banned from that church
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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