did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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