perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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