He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize