i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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