So drunk its hurt
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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