I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
