sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
