Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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