Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
