erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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