Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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