he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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