Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
