Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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