HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
