Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
