I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
