Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
