Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize