Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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