Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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