roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Randomize
