what if every blade of grass was a penis?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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