guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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